“Experience has taught me; The bones of my enemy are NOT dishwasher safe!”
“Watch out for turtles, they'll bite you if you put your finger in their mouth."
"Get over yourself. My swear jar could fund a fucking mission to mars."
"Life was better when we spoke fancy. From now on let's call them NUTS OF DOUGH."
"I have the EYE of the tiger, the HEART of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo."
"After a certain age the walk of shame becomes the walk of victory."
"Lack of guilt is never optional."
"I can fight off 20 snails....21 on a good day."
"No matter how sweetly she asks... never get in the oven to clean it."
"Babies aren't cannibal veal!"
"You can really only ooze 2 things, sexuality and pus."
"If you can't blow them away with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit."
"Never leave a gift horse in the house."
"Don't ever put all your legs in one casket"
"The quickest way to a person's heart is between the 2nd and 3rd ribs"